Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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