When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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