I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize