Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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