miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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