): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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