I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize