Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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