Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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