Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
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apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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