I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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