Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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