Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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