oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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