saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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