omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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