he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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