Kiss
Puke
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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