Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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