if you like me you must not know who I am
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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