my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
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I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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