remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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