There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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