I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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