Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize