so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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