as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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