My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize