so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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