Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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