trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
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So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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