so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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