So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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