I just pynch a tree in the face
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He better not be in your backpack
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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