she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
They should really pass out barf bags in church
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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