he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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