..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize