Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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