The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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