Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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