When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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