I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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