You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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