just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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