so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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