Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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