the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize