WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
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This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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