So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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