You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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